Things that happened this morning at work:
A dude was standing in the hallway during one of my breaks, around 9:45 am.
He looked like any other student.
He asked which room he could use to print something.
I showed him to a student computer room.
There was one female student in there. Normal so far.
She comes to the office to tell me he apparently whipped it out and said something about making a sex tape. Which, what. That was his normal train of thought to see a woman and do that.
So I threw him out and we spent a little while going over picture on the camera (like how dumb are you? this school is full of cameras).
He was apparently drunk (he didn’t seem so, he was normal and respectful to me until he acted a fool).
So of course I feel bad but there’s nothing I could have done to prevent it
I’m more annoyed that that’s how people are raised
I mean, how to prevent that? ask him, “hey, by the way, you planning to sexually harass someone? don’t do that.”
And of course I spent time doing my due diligence and identifying him on the camera shots the building manager had.
The police came (though I didn’t see them).
The student (an adult, like all our students) will, I hope, be fine. He at least never threatened her or anything and was such a dumbass about it he was sitting right there in the chair when I went to go get him.
And of course I had to shake my head that this guy was black. Another one of us young black men who can’t bear to act right. We can point the finger at society for a lot of things, but this guy was given a computer on which to check his email and just couldn’t act right enough not to whip his shit out.
So for all those people who think that anyone deserves to be a victim of sexual misconduct (and this wasn’t violence, I should be clear, but it’s fucked), remember, someone has to make the decision to commit the act first.
It starts with a choice.
And far too many men (and a few women) make the wrong one.
As one of my friends said the other day, we trumpet the fact that one in six women will be raped in their lifetimes (in the US), but it’s also true that about 1/60 men will commit said act.
This was a case where there was no protection really possible (unless I just assume he is going to act this way and I had absolutely no reason to). I feel guilty but I shouldn’t. No, he did this, he probably won’t be caught (unless he comes back to this building, which he might be dumb enough to do), and it’s a clear cut case of men just acting wrong.
Even earlier today, I was walking to the subway, and because I have my laptop with me at work for the next few weeks, I walk a bit slower than normal. A young woman (black, my height I guess, a student at LIM based on her bag) passed me. I won’t pretend I didn’t look down for a second, but I don’t think what people want is for people to pretend that attractive people don’t exist, it’s for people to control their idiocy. At least four men not only stopped, turned and stared (which is gross but, since she’s already away from them, probably only somewhat annoying), but said something to/about her. This is not a New York thing: this is a men thing (and, sadly, often a minority men thing).
A surreptitious glance? We all do that, male and female and everyone else. A comment? A grunt? Whipping it out? So many people out there clearly weren’t raised right.
And to those who might say I’m making myself feel morally superior: yeah I am. Because these ugly motherfuckers are inferior to the rest of us. Not because they’re men, but because they’re men who don’t act right.