Author: Charles Duhigg
This one, this is how it all started. I received this for my birthday in 2012, just as I was getting into running, and it helped me focus and really believe I could improve in my fitness, in my relationships, in my career. I have often referred to this book as my bible, but it's more like my amazing grace, as I once was lost, and then, after this book, I was found.
But what does it actually say?
The main concept is that every thing you do regularly consists of a three step process. A cue, a routine, and a reward.
The cue is what it sounds like - maybe that's your alarm waking you up - and the routine is the actual process - perhaps that's dragging yourself downstairs to run across a bridge - and the reward is what you get for it - in my case a sense of satisfaction at achieving goals.
Setting up cues isn't very hard, and most can do so. And it's pretty easy to envision rewards. But sticking with the routines is the challenge, and what trips most of us up. How many times have you decided you were going to lose weight or gain a new skill or save money and then fallen short? Even just this year, the very focused version of myself failed at learning to program because I couldn't figure it out without an instructor's guidance.
So the key is to make that routine different, and then to stick to it. Easier said than done! But necessary.
Learning to delay gratification is a great way to build willpower, even if it's for something minor. Not being allowed to skip the routine in the middle to get to the reward can change anyone's behavior. Even if you have to metaphorically tie a hand behind your back, do it.
For me, I used to always skip runs for dumb reasons. Or slack off on schoolwork. For running, instead of just running however much I felt like, I put it on my calendar, and that blaring reminder got me out the door. I got better clothes and shoes. And I didn't bring a metrocard so I couldn't cut it short. And over time it just became harder NOT to run than it was to run.
Make your cue strong, find a way to get through your routine, and then reward yourself for achievement.
"The Power of Habit" was the first book about behavior that reached me. You should read it if you want to learn about it yourself.